Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time

 

The Complete List:
1. Cristal
2. Pinot Noir
3. Marilyn Merlot
4. Lady in Red
5. Trentadue Chocolate Amore
6. Cycles Gladiator
7. Martin & Weyrich Moscato Allegro
8. Mouton-Rothschild
9. Any Port in a Storm
10. Moet & Chandon Champagne
 

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 1 -- Cristal

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 9, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 
... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Cristal
 

     When you think about it, there really is only one wine that could top our list of the 10 sexiest wines of all-time. So, we give top honors to an obvious -- but undeniably sexy -- sparkler.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 1 -- Cristal

     It is made by the Louis Roederer Champagne house in France.

     The grapes used to make it are grown in the finest vineyards of Montagne de Reims, the Vallee de la Marne and the Cote des Blancs.

     It is a blend of Pinot Noir and Chardonnay.

     The wine typically spends about five years in the Louis Roederer cellars before it is released.

     And when it is seen in public, it turns heads.

     We refer, of course, to Cristal -- which plays the dual roles of wine and table accessory.

     Cristal is the vinous equivalent of the Omega Skeleton Central Tourbillon watch, or the Ferrari 599 automobile.

     Even if that watch in your pocket is a Swatch, or that car in valet parking is a Pinto, people will assume you're an Omega/Ferrari man simply because of the presence of the Cristal bottle.

     That's because Cristal typically is the most expensive Champagne on a restaurant's wine list. At Chicago's acclaimed Tru restaurant, for instance, a bottle of 2002 Cristal Brut goes for $875.

     At that price, Cristal is no mere bottle of wine; it's a status symbol. More than one man has used Cristal as a chick magnet.

     As for the wine itself, it typically is silky and harmonious, with a rich body.

     But the wine is secondary to the image it portrays.

     Cristal is liquid bling.

     And bling is sexy.

From VinesseToday.com

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 2 -- Pinot Noir

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 8, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 
... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Pinot Noir
 

     Next, we may have to deal with a severe case of Pinot envy.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 2 -- Pinot Noir

     Winemaker Scott Rich put it all into perspective.

     "Ultimately," Rich once said, "any discussion of the aromas and flavors in Pinot Noir comes down to a discussion of sex."

     Consider some of the words often used to describe Pinot Noir:

     * Silky

     * Supple

     * Sensual

     * Seductive

     And those are just a few of the ones that start with S.

     Lettie Teague, wine editor for Food & Wine Magazine, once noted, "I never realized how much time winemakers spend thinking about women until I broached the topic of Pinot Noir."

     Teague pointed to Greg Crone of New Zealand's Brancott Vineyards, who likened a man's evolution toward Pinot Noir to his maturing taste in women -- it is "like graduating from Pamela Anderson to Grace Kelly."

     (Although I'm pretty sure it would be fun to share a bottle of Pinot with Pam...)

     Any number of wine writers have described Pinot Noir as "sex in a glass."

     But the sexy variety got its biggest boost of the new millennium from the film "Sideways," in which the Pinot Noir-obsessed character Miles gave movie-goers this vivid description:

     "Pinot is a hard grape to grow... It's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's not a survivor like Cabernet that can grow anywhere and thrive when neglected. Pinot needs constant care and attention and, in fact, can only grow in specific little tucked-away corners of the world.

     "And only the most patient and nurturing growers can do it really, can tap into Pinot's most fragile, delicate qualities. Only when someone has taken the time to truly understand its potential can Pinot be coaxed into its fullest expression.

     "And when that happens, its flavors are the most haunting and brilliant and subtle and thrilling and ancient on the planet."

     "Sideways" found its audience over a few months, and it didn't take long for Pinot Noir sales to skyrocket. Who wouldn't want to be associated with such a sexy-sounding wine?

     Of course, some renditions of Pinot Noir are sexier than others.

     Just like people.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 3 -- Marilyn Merlot

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 7, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 

... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Marilyn Merlot
 

     To one generation, Farrah Fawcett was the girlfriend of Ryan O'Neal who fought a very public battle with cancer until her death on June 25. To an earlier generation, however, she was THE pin-up girl of the 1970s. A 1976 poster of her in a one-piece bathing suit sold more than 12 million copies. But before Farrah, there was Marilyn...

The Top 10 Sexiest Wines of All-Time
No. 3 -- Marilyn Merlot

     Was there ever a more sexy pin-up girl or actress than Marilyn Monroe?

     The list of her movie credits includes a few titles that answer the question:

     * "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"

     * "Love Nest"

     * "Some Like It Hot"

     She appeared on the cover of Playboy magazine and sang perhaps the most famous rendition ever of "Happy Birthday" to President John F. Kennedy.

     And because she died at the age of 36, she has remained forever young in America's psyche, much like James Dean. Over the years, her memory has been perpetuated on classic rock radio stations with each "spin" of the song that Elton John wrote and performed in her memory, "Good-bye Norma Jean."

     About a quarter-century after her death, a group of home winemakers in the Napa Valley were having dinner accompanied by a bottle of homemade Merlot, and the concept of "Marilyn Merlot" was born.

     Rights to the name and various iconic images were secured from Monroe's estate, a charitable tie-in was agreed upon, and Marilyn Merlot made its debut with the 1985 vintage.

     The 2007 vintage is the current release, and it sells for about $27 per bottle.

     Want a bottle of the 1985? That will set you back around $3,800.
 
     Each year, a different image of Monroe is featured on the label, and you can see all of the labels by following this link: http://www.marilynwines.com/marilynmerlot.html#

     The wines, of course, vary in quality by vintage. But each and every one of the labels scores a rating of 95 or higher on the 100-point sexiness scale.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 4 -- Lady in Red

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 6, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 

... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Lady in Red
 

     Red is the color of romance and passion. That goes for women's dresses, and it also goes for wine...

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 4 -- Lady in Red

     Chris de Burgh has written a number of hit songs, but he'll always be best known for "The Lady in Red."

     Maestro, if you please...

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance, given half a chance
I have never seen that dress you're wearing
Or the highlights in your head that catch your eyes I have been blind
The lady in red is dancing with me cheek to cheek

     Women in black dresses are all about class. Women in red dresses are all about... sex.

     No wonder so many men in de Burgh's song wanted to dance with "The Lady in Red."

     No wonder a wine called "Lady in Red" made our list of the 10 sexiest wines of all-time.

     "Lady in Red,"  the wine, is crafted by Kestrel Vintners, which has a 3-acre spot in Washington state's Prosser Wine and Food Park. It's released in "editions" rather than by vintage, and the 6th edition is a smooth and supple wine made from Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Syrah, Cabernet Franc and Sangiovese.

     And, yes, there is a provocative drawing of a shapely woman in a long, slinky red dress on the label.

     For "leg men," the winery also makes a holiday edition featuring a sexy woman in an elf outfit.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 5 -- Trentadue Chocolate Amore

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 5, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 

... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Trentadue Chocolate Amore
 
     The soundtrack for the next selection should be obvious: "That's Amore" by Dean Martin.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 5 -- Trentadue Chocolate Amore

     Lots of men and women go through various, uh, procedures in an attempt to appear more sexy.

     Lifts.

     Tucks.

     Enhancements.

     Comic Joan Rivers has had so much work done that she joked about it in a Geico commercial: "Am I smiling? I can't tell!"

     Even wine can be a candidate for a makeover, as the No. 5 wine on our list of the 10 sexiest wines of all-time demonstrates.

     To put in bluntly, Trentadue Winery's "Merlot Port With Chocolate Essence" would not have made the list.

     But now that the wine is known as "Chocolate Amore," well, how could we NOT include it?

     Trentadue makes the wine by crushing and fermenting Merlot grapes grown on its Geyserville Ranch.

     To stop the fermentation and retain a high level of sugar, grape neutral spirits are added -- a step inspired by traditional Port-making in Portugal.

     The wine then is aged for an appropriate period of time. And just before bottling, natural chocolate extract is added to the final blend.

     In essence, Trentadue has found a way to combine two of the sexiest things one can imagine -- red wine and chocolate.

     And now, the wine has an equally sexy name to match.

     Light a few candles, pour a couple of glasses of "Chocolate Amore," put a Dean Martin CD in the player... and we will not be held responsible for what happens next.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 6 -- Cycles Gladiator

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 4, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 

... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse
Cycles Gladiator
 

     Almost by definition, a wine bottle bearing a picture of a nude nymph had to make our list of the 10 sexiest wines. Who are we to argue with the language police?

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 6 -- Cycles Gladiator

     Can a wine that retails for around $13 per bottle find happiness... let alone fulfillment... in today's vinous marketplace?

     It can if the wine carries the Cycles Gladiator label.

     Except in Alabama.

     Allow us to explain...

     Cycles Gladiator is a line of wines -- including Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Syrah and Pinot Grigio -- bearing "California" or "Central Coast" appellations. The 2005 Cabernet garnered a rating of 89 on a 100-point scale from Wine Enthusiast magazine.

     The label is based on a poster created in 1895 by French painter G. Massias advertising the then-new Cycles Gladiator bicycle.

     The poster includes a depiction of a nude nymph flying alongside a winged bicycle.

     All pretty whimsical, if you ask us.

     But not to the Alabama Alcoholic Beverage Control Board, which found the label to be just a bit too sexy for the good people of the Yellowhammer State.

     The Board made that ruling last year, but it gained national attention in late July of this year when the Board received a bottle of Cycles Gladiator from a citizen claiming to have bought the wine in a store.

     That prompted the Board to send out a letter to stores and restaurants as a friendly reminder that sale of the product was not legal in the state.

     And what, exactly, did the Board find objectionable about the Cycles Gladiator label?

     The ban was enacted as enforcement of the Alabama liquor regulations that prohibit labels with "a person posed in an immoral or sensuous manner."

     We're not sure when riding a bicycle or drinking wine became immoral. Furthermore, technically, the label does not depict a person, but rather a DRAWING of a person.

     A sexy drawing, yes... but a drawing nonetheless.

     Then again, any kind of nude nymph is bound to attract attention...

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 7 -- Martin & Weyrich Moscato Allegro

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 3, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 

... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse

Martin & Weyrich Moscato Allegro
 
    After visits to Portugal and the Champagne and Bordeaux regions of France, today we stay closer to home -- the Central Coast region of California -- to share a sexy American wine with Italian flair...

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 7 -- Martin & Weyrich Moscato Allegro

     Since Italian men are the sexiest men on Earth (so we've been told), this list would not be complete without at least one pseudo-Italian wine.

     The Martin & Weyrich winery is located in the Paso Robles growing area, and specializes in Italian-style wines.

     And its Moscato Allegro may well be California's most hedonistic Muscat Canelli-based wine.

     Its aroma is fresh like a spring flower (think: orange blossom).

     Its flavor is fruitful, spicy and sweet.

     Its finish is crisp and clean.

     Moscato Allegro also is an extremely versatile wine, equally enjoyable as an aperitif, a dinner companion, with dessert or as dessert -- seductive in so many ways.

     Even the packaging is sexy: Martin & Weyrich Allegro comes in Italy's traditional "Renna Punto," a long and sleek bottle reserved for the finest Moscato d'Asti.

     The winery likes to say that the wine is "perfect with flowers."

     We cannot disagree.

     In fact, gather together a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of Moscato Allegro and a date, and you have the makings of a vinous menage a trois.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 8 -- Mouton-Rothschild

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 2, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 
... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse

Mouton-Rothschild
 
    As we continue "The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time," we venture to the Bordeaux region of France...ance...

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 8 -- Mouton-Rothschild

     Although its wines can vary greatly in quality from vintage to vintage, Mouton-Rothschild remains one of the sexiest wines on the planet.

     This is due in no small part to its labels which, since 1945, have featured original works of art by some of the world's most acclaimed contemporary artists, as well as other individuals of note. For example:

     * 1958 -- Dali.

     * 1969 -- Miro.

     * 1970 -- Chagall.

     * 1973 -- Picasso.

     * 1975 -- Andy Warhol.

     * 1982 -- John Huston.

     * 2004 -- Prince Charles.

     It has been said that when there is a bottle of Mouton-Rothschild on the dinner table, it's like dining in an art museum.

     (That probably was uttered after a few glasses of the Bordeaux elixir had been consumed...)

     The most famous release of Mouton-Rothschild came from the 1993 vintage.

     The wine was quite good, receiving 90-point ratings from both Wine Spectator magazine and renowned critic Robert Parker. But it was the label that generated the fame.

     Because the label included a drawing of a nude female, the 1993 Mouton-Rothschild was banned in the United States.

     Not wanting to lose the revenue from the sale of the wine in the U.S., Mouton-Rothschild came up with a cream-colored label... sans artwork... for America-bound bottles.

     Of course, many people automatically began coveting what they could not have, so the price of a bottle with the original label shot up by about $50.

     And Mouton-Rothschild's sexy reputation became even more risque.

     You can see the label that caused all the controversy here:

http://www.mcnees.org/winesite/labels/label_library_pages/French_wine_label_pages/Label_Library_Mouton_Rothschild.htm

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 9 -- Any Port in a Storm

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Sep 1, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 
... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse

Any Port in a Storm
 
    We continue with a sweet... and seductive... treat.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 9 -- Any Port in a Storm

     "It was a dark and stormy night."

     So began Snoopy's never-completed romance novel in the wonderful "Peanuts" comic strip of the late Charles M. Schulz.

     It was the perfect kind of night for romance. The perfect kind of night for wine.

     Unfortunately, Snoopy was not a wine drinker; he preferred to quaff a nice, cold root beer.

     So we shall bid adieu to our favorite beagle and get on with the romance.

     And no wine says "romance" better on a dark and stormy night than Port.

     Crafted from grapes grown in Portugal's Douro Valley, Port is a fortified wine made from a number of different indigenous grape varieties -- a varietal orgy, if you will.

     Visit the Douro Valley, and you'll feel as if time has stood still. You'll have to look long and hard to find any of the fancy winemaking equipment that fills the cellars of California wineries. Instead, traditional techniques are embraced, which lends a handcrafted quality to the finished wines.

     The three most common types of Port are labeled Ruby, Tawny and Vintage -- and each scores high on the sexiness scale.

     Ruby Port is young and vibrant, brimming with sweet red fruit flavors. When the weather has kept you and your Significant Other in for the night, it's the perfect complement to a chocolate-dipped strawberry.

     Tawny Port is golden amber in hue, and a big step up in quality. Because it's aged in oak casks for a long period of time -- sometimes 10 years, or 20, 30 or even 40 -- its flavor spectrum veers away from fruit and toward brown sugar and nuts. A bowl of nuts - hazelnuts, roasted chestnuts, etc. - or chocolate-covered cherries add to its allure.

     And then there is Vintage Port. It represents a single year in time, a single harvest season, and not every year is good enough to be designated a "vintage year." The wine must be aged in oak casks for at least two years prior to release.

     Some of the verbiage you may find on the label:

     * "Late Bottle Vintage"

     * "Traditional Late Bottle Vintage"

     * "Vintage Character"

     * "Reserve Port"

     All Port wines will warm the soul and spark the flames of romance. They'll just do it in different ways.

     Think of Ruby Port as Drew Barrymore or Ashton Kutcher -- young and full of fun.

     Think of Tawny Port as Julia Roberts or Antonio Banderas -- complex and engaging.

     Think of Vintage Port as Bo Derek or George Clooney -- mature and sophisticated.

     And think of any Port... particularly during a storm, with flames flickering in the fireplace and your Significant Other snuggled next to you... as among the sexiest wines on Earth.

The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time... No. 10 -- Moet & Chandon

Posted in: Wine Buzz
By Robert Johnson, Editor
Aug 31, 2009 - 8:00 AM

 
... brought to you by your flirtatious friends at Vinesse

Moet & Chandon
 
    Let's face facts: Virtually everything in life has sexual overtones.ertones.

     Sex has spawned movie ratings (X and R) and music ratings ("Warning: Contains Explicit Lyrics").

     Sex sells products -- everything from cars to shaving cream. Remember the commercial in which a blonde bombshell urges a lathered-up Joe Namath to "take it off -- take it all off... with Noxema"?

     Even fruit can be sexy. One word: banana.

     And so it is with wine.

     Only with wine, our prurience is pushed to the limit not only by its aphrodisiac alcohol, but also by its alluring color, its sensual mouthfeel, and its occasionally suggestive labels.

     What's a healthy, vibrant, active person to do?

     Only one thing: Give in to temptation. Uncork that bottle and let yourself go.

     Our list of "The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time" should help.

     There's no need to thank us.

     It's our pleasure.

     So, slip into something more comfortable...


The Top 10 Sexy Wines of All-Time
No. 10 -- Moet & Chandon

     In a world populated by Dom Perignon and Krug, I never gave much thought to the Champagnes of Moet & Chandon.

     I'd sip a glass when it was offered at a party, but I never sought it out. There was plenty of other bubbly in the world to tickle my fancy (and nose).

     And then, earlier this year, everything changed.

     Moet & Chandon made news by announcing that actress Scarlett Johansson had been signed to be "the face" of the "Champagne of Cinema."

     Only the pictures of Ms. Johansson weren't just about her undeniably beautiful face.

     One picture shows off her legs, and depicts her holding a Champagne flute between her toes.

     Another has her grasping the neck of a Moet & Chandon bottle as fizz sprays out.

     Lucky bottle...

     In a press release announcing Ms. Johansson's signing, she is quoted as saying: "Moet and the movies tell compelling stories and share authentic emotions with the world. I am honored to have been chosen as their ambassador and to make history with the brand, as the first celebrity face of Champagne!"

     Face...

     Legs...

     Toes...

     Drinking Moet & Chandon will never be the same.

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